#8 Having the same problem over and over again?

problem-website

So you have a problem. For example something like this:

  • You want to quit or change your job or open your own business but somehow you don’t do it.
  • You want to pursue new clients or business partners but you feel afraid they will reject your offer (in your mind: reject you).
  • You want to change some aspect of your relationship but you don’t talk openly about it with your partner (silent treatment, yelling, arguing or blaming doesn’t count).
  • You would like a raise but you don’t ask for it.
  • You’d like for your relationship with your parents to look like differently but it’s still the same for years and nothing changes.
  • You have this brilliant idea of how to improve your work at your job with your team but you say nothing.
  • You really want to change something in your life but you don’t trust yourself to do it (how can you be sure your ideas are the right ones?).
  • You want to stand up for yourself and say what’s on your mind but this person just terrifies you and you say nothing as usual.
  • You’re feeling like something/someone else is leading your life, but it’s definitely not you.

The point is, you know your problem really well because you have it for a long time now. You even more or less know what to do to fix it. But for some mysterious reason you don’t do it. You feel stuck. You do nothing. Time passes and you’re still in the same place. Frustration comes in by your door. Hello. I know. It sucks.

My problem

My problem was I had no idea what I want to do with my life. Who should I be? What should I do?  I was asking everybody but no-one had the answer that would satisfy me. I started asking these questions very early on in my life and for most of it I didn’t have the answer. Is my answer good enough? What if something better comes my way? How can I decide? How can I be sure it’s the right choice?

After high school I studied business and management (because I was good in maths and English), international business (because I loved foreign cultures), specialized in e-business (I like computers) and logistics (I’m well-organized and a good planner). And I hated it all from day one. I didn’t trust my instincts. I passed all my exams, got my MA degree and still felt like a fraud.

Everybody told me, and I was convinced about it too, that the answer will magically come to me during the time of my studies. What is my purpose in life? Well, it didn’t. I participated in one year exchange program to study abroad to find out what I want to do next. Nothing happened. Still no answer. After getting my degree, I started working in HR (I love talking to people) and I thought the answer will show up somehow (it didn’t). I kept attracting the same situations over and over again.

My problem was that I was asking other people what I’m good at, what I should do next with my life. I totally gave up my power away. And I did it willingly. I didn’t believe I have the answer in me.

New direction

After I started doing some really deep inner work and healing, the pieces started to fit in together. I love talking to people about their problems, I love self-development,  self-discovery, spirituality, reading books, digging deep to the core of the problem, psychology, insights, learning, deep 1:1 conversations. Drum rolls please… Life coaching!

OK, so I knew the direction but still did nothing about it. What’s stopping me? Why am I still stuck? Even when I had my answer, I had so many doubts and I second-guessed my choices. I needed someone to help me. First of all I needed a training to become a Life Coach.

But more important I needed a coach myself. A mentor. Someone who would guide me, be by my side, give me a different perspective, support me and keep me accountable for my actions. Share her experience and make the process fun 🙂 I didn’t want to struggle anymore. I had enough of that. I wanted my life and work to be filled with ease, joy and excitement. And so I took a leap and started working with a coach and took a coaching training program. It was the first time I’ve ever invested so much money in myself but it was totally worth it. I knew I needed to do some really deep work on myself to move forward with my life and I’m really glad I did it.

It’s a gift, my Friend

You see your problem as an obstacle. And I see your problem as a gift. How come? Think about it. If you’re stuck in a situation for a really long time, I bet there’s something you’re supposed to learn from it. It’s a gift of learning and growing. Otherwise you wouldn’t mind. I know in my case it was to learn to trust myself and my choices. Trust my decisions. Not to look what other people think about it, but trust my intuition and follow what I think is right for me. I needed to reframe it. Overcome my limiting beliefs. Grow as a person. Take massive action to help me build my self-confidence. The process was messy and fun at the same time. I saw things from a totally different perspective and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Why do you have your problem?

Your problem is there for a reason. It’s a challenge for you to work on. I bet you keep attracting similar situations or types of people, right? Well, it’s all because the Universe is trying to get your attention, my Friend. Have your eyes open. Your problem is there to put you on the right path. How can you know you’re on the right path? You will feel AMAZING. You will feel a sense of certainty that what you do is exactly what you’re supposed to do and where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be. If you feel like shit, something is wrong and you need to correct your path. It’s your heart telling you: „Hey, you! Pay attention. It’s not the right direction!”. And you will keep getting those situations or types of people until you learn what you’re supposed to learn.

In my case it took me some time to realize what my problem is trying to teach me (to trust myself and my choices). Everyone has their own pace and it’s perfect. It’s not a competition. It’s all about you and your learning situations. You will learn your lesson in the perfect moment for you. But if you feel tired of it now and you feel ready to change something, this is the moment. You can do it. You don’t have to wait for anything or anyone. It’s your choice.

What’s your lesson?

  • So maybe you’re supposed to learn to see your own value?
  • Or to see yourself as a leader?
  • Maybe it’s about feeling empowered?
  • Learning to speak up?
  • Being seen?
  • Getting the feeling of self-worth from within, and not from the outside world?
  • Building a better relationship?
  • Growing-up emotionally?
  • Acting from the place of your Adult-self, not your Inner Child or Inner Critic?
  • Learning how to get your voice out there?
  • Trusting yourself?
  • Trusting your intuition?
  • Following your dreams?
  • Building self-confidence?
  • Being the Queen or the King of your own life?

Look for gifts in your problem. What are you supposed to learn from this experience? What is your heart trying to tell you? The point is not to listen to the Ego (this voice that creates separation from others) but to follow your heart (this voice that makes you feel warm inside and supports your dreams).

We make the decision to change in an instant. Usually we wait so long, because the pain of not acting on it is not that huge. We can wait. Other things come to our lives and we forget for a while. But it comes back again and again. And when you feel like „enough is enough!” then you know this is the moment you want to change this. Period.

Some questions for you

  1. Define your problem. Make it specific.
  2. What will happen in 5 years from now if you do nothing about it? How will it influence all aspects of your life in a negative way?
  3. How your life would look like in 5 years from now if you do something about it NOW and overcome your problem? How would your life look like next year if you did that? How will it positively influence every aspect of your life?

What are your thoughts about gifts hidden in our problems? Leave a comment below and/or share this post with your friend! 🙂

2 thoughts on “#8 Having the same problem over and over again?

  1. This is so true. Right now, I’m struggling with insomnia. If I turn it around though and see my struggle as my gift I realize that my insomnia is teaching me to go with the flow because I (we!) can’t MAKE sleep happen. Sleep behaves like a scared animal. The most effective way to come close to it is to speak sweetly, approach with open palms and move slowly. These are all good LIFE LESSONS. So thank you, insomnia, for teaching me to let go of control.

    1. I love this a-ha moment, Belle! 🙂 Yes, sometimes we just need to let go and give up control. And our bodies are our best teachers in that. Hope you get some good night sleep really soon. I recommend switching off all the electronics 30 min before you go to bed – it helped me when I was struggling with my sleep. Sending you much love 🙂

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